Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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