i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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