I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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