...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
zippers are such a cool invention
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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