Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
