I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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