Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
