dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Cover your peen. We're going out.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
