Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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