I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
