i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
