KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
