idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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