you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
