You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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