If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
