i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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