420 ftw
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
