i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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