im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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