Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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