My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You pole danced in your parka.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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