I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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