Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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