i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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