The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
