I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
