I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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