She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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