Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she pinky promised me she was 18
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
