when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
