The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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