I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
