my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
