I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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