Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
