not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
