By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
