I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
