My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
