I never want to see another naked old woman again.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
