it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
