i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
