i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Houston, we have a blender
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
