I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
