I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
