He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
