I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We don't watch enough power rangers
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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