sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
