guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
