Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
And then he peed in my hair
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