U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
