I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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