Kiss
Puke
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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