i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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