He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
